


such small hands

by caesar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, SPOILERS FOR 114-115
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 21:31:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18018824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caesar/pseuds/caesar
Summary: Unable to fight, Levi contemplates. He thinks about the pain he’s felt and the freedom that he keeps reaching for.





	such small hands

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR CHAPTERS 114-115 (what we have of it at least)
> 
> you have been warned.
> 
> this is written so i can work through my clusterfuck of emotions about levi’s ambiguous fate.

_“what doesn’t kill us_

_makes us stronger,” they say._

_our only birthright in this life_

_is the breath that we take._

 

* * *

 

 

Pain has been an old friend his entire life.

 

The searing pain left Levi long ago, and he feels numb as he bleeds, parts of him still burning from the explosion.

 

He is weightless.

 

He can’t feel his feet within his boots, nor his hands that are surely covered in burns. He stares up at the sky as he drifts in the river, his mind wandering through menial thoughts.

 

He’s never said it, but the sky is his favorite thing about the outside world. Expansive, never-ending, and surreal.

 

Freedom is always the first word to come to mind when he thinks of that infinite sky.

 

He wishes he could lift his arms, extend his hands toward the soft blue, but everything feels heavy. His limbs, his mind, his heart. He’s carried the weight of humanity since being named _Humanity’s_ _Strongest_ —at least until Eren came along and flipped their understanding on their heads. Fighting for a new kind of freedom, but Levi can’t think too much about it now.

 

Can’t think too much in general.

 

He feels the pain return when the river washes him ashore, the normally soft grass feeling like nails across his battered body. He can still look up, though, and eventually the pain subsides again. His fingers twitch with effort, but it’s too much of a task right now.

 

His hands are surely marred in his own blood now, a welcome change from his lifetime of staining them with that of another’s.

 

Such small hands, yet so deadly and rough. They are his most trusted weapons, never failing him.

 

He can’t say the same for his mind, but he can’t dwell on that now. He can’t dwell on _anything_ , really, because he’s too exhausted.

 

The weight of his body has settled back in now that he’s halfway on the ground again, and he’s fighting himself to keep his eyes open on the sky above him.

 

He doesn’t see his comrades anymore. He thinks he hears something in the distance, but it could just be the ringing in his ears lingering from the explosion. He focused on the water he can feel still running over his lower half and the solid ground beneath his head. A cloud passes overhead and he thinks of his first time seeing the sky outside the walls. Faces flash in his mind, and he wishes he could make fists with his hands because it hurts too much to think about them. If he could cry right now, he’d feel tears prickling his eyes.

 

Unfortunately, pain is there instead, lulling him to shut his eyes.

 

He is tired.

 

He’s not sure what kind of sleep awaits him, or if he’ll wake up again, but he closes his eyes.

 

He hopes to awake to that sky again, and reach out to grasp his freedom once more.

**Author's Note:**

> intro in italics is from birthright by sleeping at last
> 
> we’ll make it through.
> 
> much love


End file.
